Well, they said in September that it couldn't be done. All three docs. The surgeon said he might not take the tumor because I was a crappy risk for surgery. Each test told him otherwise, and he changed his mind. The oncologist said chemo might not help following surgery because pancreatic cancer is just so dang tough to deal with. The radiation oncologist said much the same, and cautioned that the side effects of radiation might be more than I wanted to handle.

Well. Wrong! Yesterday's CT scan, following surgery and months of chemo and radiation, came up clean. Even the areas that looked questionable on the last scan came up clear. Pulmonary embolism gone. No sight of any tumors. All is not quite perfect, however. There is a marker in a specific blood test that does sometimes point to pancreatic cancer, and it is trending up which is a little worrisome. Yet that can be caused by things other than cancer. However, with nothing on the scan, there is nothing  for them to work on.

So today, chemo doc concluded that we have indeed delayed recurrence and improved quality of life (I'm off pain killers for a week and now wide awake) as was the hope when we began.  Can't yet use the word cured or the word remission. But I don't need those words. I'm happy with the word gone, as in tumors all gone.

 Two unusual things happened yesterday. I was encouraged by a friend to hug the scan machine. So I did. And spoke tenderly to it. After the scan, waiting for the van, a good friend from work who I hadn't seen for more than two years, ambled up to me with her hubby. Hugs and chitchat and then learned he was back for a 3 month re-check.  Originally he had been given 12-18 months and very little hope. Now cancer free nearly two years and lovin' life. This kinda coincidence happens to me often enough to know it means something special. Confident it was a sign from Spirit and I was gonna get a clean bill today with three month re-check.  Sure enough it was. I had worked hard up till the doc walked in, to prepare for the worst news as well. This kind of result just doesn't happen with pancreatic cancer.

I don't know that this experience could apply to anyone else. But I'm convinced that faith and confidence and accepting the fear rather than being overwhelmed by it, and getting the most of each day had a great deal to do with this result. And prayer. A lot lot lot of prayer.

Never give up, people. We only have today and this moment anyway.

Namaste